Sunday, April 29, 2007

"The rising popularity of text messaging on mobile phones poses a threat to writing standards among Irish schoolchildren, an education commission says.

The frequency of errors in grammar and punctuation has become a serious concern, the State Examination Commission said in a report after reviewing last year's exam performance by 15-year-olds."

I can't wait until internet lingo becomes the norm. Of course by then we'll probably all be dead.

Three more people dead in Kansas, part of what now seems like a constant headline. It is always the same - X dead, X injuried, attacker was an angry young man.

Gun violence took an upswing in 2005-2006 and it doesn't seem like its going to end. But I'm not talking about gun crime. I'm talking about these crimes against society, crimes that are motivated not because of a grudge against any particular person (though a particular person or group of persons may be singled out) by against society in general. Virginia Tech, Columbine, and the string of mall shootings share certain characteristics. The young men who commit these crimes are social misfits. The people who end up being attacked have very little association with the person committing the crimes. The crimes happen in public spaces. And the people committing the crimes go into them with a death wish.

I have to admit I sometimes just want to punch a wall. That sometimes I find myself wishing that some idiot would try to mug me so I could kick their ass. These are wishes not associated with reality, and I am not an angry person. I don't think I've ever been in a serious fight, and I don't look for one. Yet I still feel these urges, these wishes that something would happen, something tragic, so that I could come out the hero. They are rather sick wishes. But why do they exist? I have a few theories.

The first is masculinity. Young men in American are given very confusing signals about their gender identity. Men are supposed to be powerful, but the power which is suggested is impossible. This is probably an over-compensation for the perception that modern men are weaker than their more ancient counterparts. The modern young American male knows little about survival in the wilderness and hasn't been trained for combat of any sort, armed or unarmed. The masculine identity can become very confused becuase of this - on the one hand, a young man is told to become physically powerful, but on the other hand, the reality of modern society is that men very rarely use physical power to get ahead in life. Men no longer protect their women - the very idea that a woman needs the protection of a man has become absurd among the majority of people. Men don't need to bring home the bread, either - there is no reason why women can't perform the same jobs men, besides the fact that discrimination still makes it harder for women to get ahead in higher-paying jobs then. So what is the responsibility of the man? What is he supposed to do? Culture has over-compensated for this loss of masculine power, and with most obvious example being the prevelence of Anime among young men. Dragonball Z is, frankly, a horrible show, yet it enjoyed great popularity because of it's portrayal of absurdly powerful male figures doing combat. I remember being enthralled by the show during my teenage years because of it's powerful male leads, and I remember dreaming that I was the superhero, destroying my enemies with great balls of energy. Some of my friends really went off the deep end with this - one, whom I haven't talked to in six months but who is, I assume, still unemployed and lives at home, used to spend hours trying to conjure destructive energy with his hands. These shootings may be a manifastion of frustrated young men trying to express physical power against a society that tells them they need to be physically adept while at the same time provides them with almost no socially acceptable ways to use aggressive phsyical ability.

Another possible cause is linked with America's concept of itself. Our country went into the new millenium believing itself invincible and loved, a gentle giant that could crush anyone or anything it wanted but, of course, wouldn't. This perception was based of a cult of technology (which covers no just American, but most of the Western world and also some Asian countries), a belief that technological advancement would end all of America's woes. Yet as time as progressed its has become harder to ignore the signs that this is not the case. Technology does not make problems disappear, and knowing about technology does not always make you more capable. The failure of technology builds upon the failure of masculinity because technology was seen as a way of replacing the physical power masculinity once represented. The phallic missile replaced the phallic sword. As time progresses, and technology fails to solve all of humanities problems, technology also fails to solve the problems of the young men who had begin to use technology in hopes of increasing their knowledge and thus, their power.

Lastly, there is the problem of class. Fight Club, I think, really nailed this one on the head - it portrayed men (not all of them young, the protagonists were presumedly in their mid-20s) who had entered professional middle-class life with the idea that through hard work, they would be able to make their dreams come try, and would be able to increase their power. American told it's young men that they could become rockstars and wealthy businessmen, if only they would work hard enough - and it also implyed that those who failed to become powerful failed only because of their own deficiences. But obviously, not everyone can become a rockstar or a CEO. Most people are left in middle-class jobs with little real power and a poor perception of job security. But Fight Club was made in the mid 90s - since then, the problem has become even more severe. Now children believe that they must make a splash ASAP, and teen are growing up wanting despretely to make a mark in the world as soon as they can. Any sign that their ability to reach their goal of stardom can cause a great deal of apprehension and fear. In addition, the contridiction between the goals society portrays as correct and the actual accomplishments society allows people to achieve undoubtedly is confusing. Society tells people from a young age they can be great, but public school is terrible for reinforcing these notions - instead, young people feel like they're being held back.

Perhaps there is some other cause. These are not events which are easy to quantify. They are tragic and difficult. But I hope people think about them, because the more we ask why, the closer we come to an anwser.
Rising through steam banks
the pickup truck evaporates
the instant it hits the volcanic
wall: step in the veranda
of my pores, the great hall
known as my stomach.
The volcano
now in a wedding dress of snow
belchs spectacular ashen tears
into a God of a sky.
Consume - Digest -
the pickup truck condenses down
creeks fat with volcanic ash,
and in three great flips
of fire, says 'I do, I do, I do'

I am a writer. This is something that I occasionally call myself. I call myself a writer because I write a great deal, and also it's because that's what I want to do with my life. It is a strange title and I'm not sure what it means. 'Writer' much like 'poet' or 'painter' is a rare title that is not connected to profession, but rather to practice. A doctor without a degree and a practice isn't a doctor, and an electrician isn't someone who fiddles with the wires in their home occasionally. But I feel it perfectly fair for a person to call themselves a writer, even if they're not widely published.

Identifying myself as such, it's caused me some problems in my job search. Not tangible ones, but I can feel it in my heart - what am I trying to do? Writing is not the sort of skill most employers look for, unless I'm applying for one of those rare technical writing or journalism jobs - but ironically, the vast majority of my job experience is in customer service. As for writing, I have no job experience. I've been published in the campus journals a few times and I also wrote for the paper at Butler University, but thats about it, and that's nothing compared to my customer service past - Pearson's Manager looks good because of the title and the list of responsibilities you might at some point potentially have, and then I've also worked in food service, and I was a summer conference worker, a job where I spent half my time trying to keep the conference guests happy (the other half consisted of doing semi-petty tasks for the Res Life pantheon).

So, I'm probably not going to be a writer, professionally. Entry level technical writing jobs are hard to come by. I could do some freelance on the side, but thats about it. As a result, I feel split - one half needs to advance professionally, but the other half needs to advance my writing skills. I'd love to start sending out manuscripts to places that would publish (most literary journals don't pay, however) and get my foot in the door. But I need more time, and I don't know if I'll have it.

Yet, I'm not exactly dreading a 'normal' job, a stupid full time position. In my writing I've found that a lack of perspective is maybe my biggest obstacle. I am not well traveled. My job experience is probably on the high side for college grads, but still, it's all been the same industry. I'd love to get a job doing public relations for some non-profit, but even if I'm selling security systems for Brinks (one of the jobs I applied for) thats fine too. I just want to get out.

I'll have to see where the pieces fall. Time is going to become my greatest enemy.

Friday, April 27, 2007

Tonight was my last night at Domenico's, and it went just fine. I can't say I'll miss the place, as it did very little for me besides provide me with good part-time income. Which is fine, I guess, it's a job, what more can I expect?

So now I am unemployed. I'm going to have a lot of time on my hands, which means more time to worry more about all the upcoming events, and the events which have already taken place. Beginning a career, graduating college, moving to a new city, getting married, these are also great steps in life, the kind of things that people write novels about, making light of, look at from a far with a hint of worry - and I'm going through them all right now. I'm a little rattled. More than a little rattled. I'd be less rattled if I had a job and a place for Natasha and I to live, but both seem to be caught in this catch-22. Most jobs don't want to hire unless I can interview in person, and most rentals don't want to rent to someone who doesn't have a job that pays 2.5x the rent per month. Needless to say, this create a bit of an obstacle for moving. I don't think I ever realized until now how bad the poor have it in terms of mobility. I hope my money holds out, and I think it will. I think.